Those of you who saw my last blog post know I started a new school this year. As in a brick-and-mortar school, with teachers you don't Skype and students you can see (and almost run into because you're a clutz). I'm incredibly happy to announce that I'm just that- happy. I'm loving my new school so far. It's completely different from any school I've gone to before, from the students (so much politics. And puns. Plus, the popularity of YouTube videos and the love of frisbee) to the building itself (thin curtains separate classes. On a positive note, you can learn from three lectures at once!). I'm enjoying it, though, and that's all that matters.
My new school is a lot smaller than my old one. You're mostly with the same people all day, which makes it really easily to learn new names and get to know people. Everyone's been really nice, and I was lucky to find a group of people I spend most of my time with. There's always something interesting (more accurately, entertaining) going on; I've even started a list of quotes by students. There are downsides to a smaller school, like not having the same course options as a larger school, but so far the pros have been outweighing the cons.
Sure, I miss some things about online school. During the school day, though, they don't pass through my mind. I'm thinking about my next class, the conversation I just had, the assignment that's due soon, and a million other ideas. On Friday, I had a conversation that's stuck with me. As I was talking with some of my new friends, we started talking about enjoying childhood vs. wanting to jump to a few years from now. For as long as I can remember, I've spent far too much energy trying to get myself to enjoy the time of life I'm in. I hate to use the phrase "most kids," because no one is the same. Many of the people around me, though, have always had different thoughts from me. It manifests in a lot of different ways, like while my classmates have typically loved days we do nothing in class, they make me incredibly anxious over the thought of wasted time.
Some people really enjoy a laid-back childhood with the focus being on as little responsibilities as possible and lots of time with friends. I've never been able to shut my mind off from thinking of things beyond the here-and-now, or to be content with just being a student. That's simply how I am, though. Mathew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Because of this verse, I try my best to change my thoughts. However, on not being the same as some of my peers, why should I fight it? Striving to think of life one day at a time is one thing. Not naturally being able to relax enough to coast until I turn 18, though, isn't isn't a bad thing, especially when I think of all I've been able to accomplish in 15 years.
It's not that I don't love being the age I am, but rather struggling with feeling like being a student is enough. Since this school year, I've hardly worked on the novel I've put over 110,00 words into. Yesterday was the first day in over a month I've picked up one of my instruments. I haven't read very much. These are the things that will matter in the long run, but they're things I don't have any time for during school. I struggle with that, because these have always been the things that obsess over accomplishing. However, although it's bothered me sometimes, I've been alright with simply being a student so far this year. My mom always reminds me that just because I let go of those hobbies now doesn't mean they're gone forever. It's just about the role I currently need to play.
In this first month of school, I've been so excited that my health hasn't been too invasive. I'm exhausted most of the time. My endometriosis was acting up the first week of school, and has been acting up this past week. I've had a lot of new health developments since my post on why I did an online school for a year, and while some are good, others are just about as negative as you can get. All of these have had effects on the past month, but none of them have been nearly as bad as they were this time last year. I've been able to get through my schooldays just like anyone else would. I've only been at school five weeks, but I'm thrilled to see where this school year takes me. And who knows? Maybe I'll finally find a balance between being a student and being myself.