Today’s my birthday! New Year’s Eve always gives me double the reason to reflect on the past year and the one ahead; I’m entering a new year in every sense of the word.
The first half of 2019 was (mostly) wonderful. I spent New Year’s Day in Chicago, a city I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since. I took Biology, which is one of my favorite classes I’ve taken in college. I received my associate’s degree and high school diploma (in that order!) from the first schools I felt at home in.
The second half of the year was a struggle. I had surgery in July. We moved from my childhood home two weeks later. My health plummeted as I started school, and my doctor recommended (more than once) I withdrawal. I was certain God placed hope in my heart that certain things would happen this fall, and they didn’t. I was devastated; I still am.
The last few months have also held beautiful moments, though, that I wouldn’t change for the world. God placed some wonderful people in my life. I read (well, listened to) some phenomenal books. I went to bookstores and coffee shops and had movie nights with friends. And I survived.
I’m wary about the New Year. I’m terrified of starting another semester when the last one went so poorly. I’m scared to hope for good things again, but this morning, I decided I will. I know I’ll waver in this belief, but I wrote down my hopes and prayers for this semester so I can return to them throughout the year, because I want to be able to remember a time I believed. I also want to revisit each hope and dream in May so I can see how God has worked in my life.
I know how to survive through hardship. I know how to love the Lord in struggles. I know how to find the wonder in the worst moments. This is the season I want to experience a different kind of life. It’ll still be full of struggles, but I hope they’re fewer. I want to learn to celebrate with God as good things happen. I don’t want to work so hard to notice the good moments, because I want them to easily outshine everything else.
I don’t know if those hopes will come true, but I pray they do. That’s what I love about hope. Hope is strong. Hope perseveres. It fights to remain when every other remotely positive emotion disappears. Hope is the belief that good things can still happen. For years now, I’ve steadfastly believed good things can and will happen to me eventually. Now, I’m hoping they happen sooner rather than later.
Happy New Year, everyone. My prayer is that no matter what this year holds, hope is your constant companion.