This week has been really hard. I had less schoolwork than usual, which was a relief, but I also had some really disappointing things happen in my personal life. I am not much of a crier, but I went through two tissue boxes in less than twenty-four hours, so it’s pretty safe to say things were not great. What was great was the way the Lord comforted me this week. I’m overwhelmingly thankful that through the worst parts of the week, I kept praying and spending time in my Bible. In fact, the more upset I felt, the more I prayed. This hasn’t always been my reaction in the past, but it was my reaction this week. I’ve spent a lot more time in prayer the last few days than I have in a while, and while I wish it was under different circumstances, I’m in awe of how the Lord has drawn close to me and walked through the week with me.
During one of the more difficult times this week, I felt like I was supposed to read a prayer I wrote on December 31, 2019 about the upcoming year. It was ironically funny to read it, because the three things I felt called by God to pray about/for have all been pretty firmly delayed so far. To give you a feel for just how terrible yet hilarious it was to read the prayers, one of them was that I would have my best school year yet. It was even a bit bittersweet to read the only Bible verse I put in that prayer, which is James 1:17: Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. I didn’t really feel a lot of gifts from God as I read that verse, but I knew I needed to be reminded that
His gifts are all around me, even now.
There are certain gifts I know He wants for me even though I don’t know the timing. Just because I’ve been praying for a long time, years even, and not received them yet doesn’t mean they aren’t going to happen.
God does not change. His faithful love never fades or falters.
I’ve felt the Lord’s constant love and perfect gifts this week. I’ve felt the gift of His presence and the joy and peace that accompanies it this week. When I’ve felt overwhelmed or heartbroken, all I’ve had to do is reach out to Him, and He has been there with me. I’ve also received gifts I don’t deserve even in the midst of a challenging week. One of those gifts came from a class I just finished. My school requires students to take a series of Bible classes to graduate, and I had a final for one of these classes today. I decided not to study for it, which, if you know anything about me, is NOT how I usually operate! I am the person who starts studying a week before an exam and has color-codes flash cards for every subject. I love my Bible classes, though, and often find myself thanking God for the opportunity to learn more about His Word as a part of my education. (I mean, just typing that sentence makes me want to jump for joy.) I’ve worked really hard in this class to learn everything I can, and despite not studying, I only missed one question on the final! The good grade and free time from not studying we’re gifts, of course, but the greatest gift was realizing just how much my knowledge of the Lord has grown since the class started in March.
I also had another article published with Vanderbilt this week, and I was struck by how cool it is that I get to do science writing as an undergraduate English major. (If you’ve ever wondered, “Hey, I wonder why some strains of C. diff infection have worse clinical outcomes than other strains,” or thought, “I would like to support Sara’s work regardless of how I feel about gastrointestinal infections,” then you can click here or here to read the article!)
As I reflect back on my week, I see even more gifts from God. I see the fun guitar session I had on Monday, or the really good iced coffee I drank yesterday, or the irreplaceable talks I’ve had with my mom, and I can’t help but see the Lord’s hand in it all. He performs miracles, but He also loves to just be with us and put small blessings in our paths every day. It’s impossible to comprehend how much the Lord loves us and how many ways He shows that love, but I pray I never stop being amazed by His goodness. As I reflect on the Lord’s faithful love and think back to my three prayers for 2020, I get the overwhelming sense that the Lord is saying, “Just wait.” It has been a long four months, but 2020 isn’t over yet, and I see that as an encouragement. I have lived so much of my life fearing the future. Right now, though, I feel nothing but hopeful even though I am still sad and disappointed. A lot has happened in four months, both good and bad. A lot has happened just this week, both good and bad. But as I look at my yet unanswered prayers for 2020—the prayers I feel are both the desire of the Lord’s heart as well as the desire of mine—I see how much time is left for them to be fulfilled in whatever way God sees fit.