On our last day in Ohio, there was a moment where Granddad and I were alone in the living room while he read his morning devotionals. “Let me read this to you,” he said. I was already excited to do another devotional with Granddad, but I couldn’t stop smiling as he started reading. “Scripture of the day: There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love.”
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that each New Year, I choose a word and Bible verse to represent the upcoming year. This year, I chose a phrase instead of a word: love without fear. I wanted to love life, love others, and love God without fear.
For years, I’ve prayed about God’s love and my love for Him. I’m still so awe-struck of the Lord’s kind, faithful love towards us that I can’t help but continually thank Him for it. And I often prayed that I would focus on God throughout the day. I didn’t usually pray that I would remember His love as I went through my day, though, and I certainly didn’t ask for that remembrance to help me cast aside fear.
For as long as I can remember, it has been hard to truly enjoy the good moments in life. Historically, blessings only lasted for a few months before being taken away. The better times still had problems, and the worse times still had joy from the Lord, but it was harder to go back to “normal” after knowing a different, a better, life.
I love serving others. I love trying to let the Lord’s love show through my actions. But letting myself love in other ways can be terrifying, because it’s easier to be cautious in life. To enjoy being in school, but not enjoy it too much, because I’ve had to medically withdraw before. To love my friends, but not rely on them too much, because they won’t stay if my health gets bad. To savor the moments my words flow easily, but to never expect it, because it just leads to heartache. To adore the days the Lord feels so close to my heart but know there will be days where it is harder to connect with Him.
I don’t want to live in fear, though. I want to love life, love others, and love God as much as I can. The Lord wants that for me, too. And the great thing is that I don’t have to fear, because no matter the outcome of a million little moments of love here on earth, God’s love continuously surrounds me.
When Granddad read me his devotional, I remembered the courage and love Christ has called me to. I was reminded that when the Lord directs me, courage is worth assuming and love is worth pursuing no matter the outcome. I’ve already had times this year where I fully loved and it ended in deep heartbreak. It was excruciatingly painful and confusing in ways I could never cover in a blog post, but goodness do I love the Lord more than ever. I see His goodness more than ever. I understand His love better than ever, too, and yet I recognize that there’s still so much more to learn and see and so much I can never even comprehend.
Here’s to a lifetime full of sweet, heartbreaking, funny, slow moments, friends. Here’s to a lifetime of love through it all.
John 15:12: This is My command: love one another as I have loved you.
